A Friendly Facade?
Near the end I acquired a student with whom I regretted not having more time. This young soft-spoken woman was like most language learners: chock full of knowledge but possessing an attitude of inferiority. After several conversations we discussed the topic of American and Hungarian stereotypes. This topic was of special interest to me, and at every opportunity I tried to pick brains about perceptions and misperceptions of other cultures. Did I have a passion for anthropology in college? Why, that would be a YES.
This young woman’s clearly defined opinions opened great discussion. She concluded that, generally speaking, many people liked Americans because of their open, friendly, positive nature. As far as Hungarians, they were guarded, stubborn, and closed. She continued, with belief and clarity, that although Hungarians were harder to get to know, once you got past the icy exterior and showed you genuinely wanted to get to know them, they opened up in a true way. This opened the door for extraordinary friendship. Conversely, even though Americans are friendly and open (externally), they are perceived as fake and their intentions and motives unclear. Are you being ‘fake nice’ because you’re an American or because you genuinely want to get to know me? How can a friendship be open when you are never being fully transparent, though you have the façade of being transparent? She claimed that initial guardedness, melted by time, opened the door for true friendship, while Americans always fluttered around true, real topics, never REALLy opening up. She finished her grand speech by saying that Americans were actually the MORE guarded of the nationalities.
Wow! I was floored by this insight, meanwhile being thrilled that I had a new angle to analyze. Being back in the US I can verify the truth of the statement—the relationships in Hungary that were initially hard to develop and nurture have bloomed into beautiful friendships that are defined by transparency. Transparency, with no façade.
